Black Eyes and Hickes
by Solariaa
Summary: Eridan is probably the biggest slut he know. After a drunken hook-up with who knows who Eridan wakes up in the messiest dorm he's ever seen! To make things worse his pants are MIA and he must 'Borrow' a pair from a stranger. Human-AU, kind of coffee shop AU, Eriden X Sollux and Eridan X Equius, Eridan is a total slut, Sex happens but it's time skipped
1. What Happened to my Pants?

_**Part one of an at least 3 part story, the rest will be much longer!**_

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While passing out drunk and naked in some stranger's bed might not have been the way Eridan had been planning to end his night he did find that waking up in a stranger's bed only a little hung-over, naked, and – _if the feeling of his hips was anything to go by_ \- having scored wasn't a bad way to start his day. Sure he didn't remember who the guy next to him was but that had never bother Eridan much before, why should it now?

So with slow careful movements Eridan slipped out of bed, the mass of messy dark brown hair and blankets none the wiser. It was with practiced ease - _that said more about Eridan's slutty nature than any list of names_ \- that Eridan made his way about the unfamiliar territory. He quickly found his purple plaid shirt though his tight black jeans and bright purple briefs were MIA. The pants were going to be a problem, Eridan could see his messenger bag in the doorway, so he gave up on his underclothes, Eridan long ago started keeping a spare in his bag for just such times, but missing pants were very new, but considering the state of the room Eridan honesty wasn't surprised.

Standing naked in the bedroom doorway, clothes bundled under one arm, messenger bag slung over one shoulder that Eridan quickly looked back. His new 'Friend' was facing away and still obviously asleep, the room itself was a mess of books, comics, clothes, nerdy posters – _two of which 'The Anatomy of a Bee' and 'The Anatomy of a Wasp' stood out, mostly because while the Bee one was pretty normal but the Wasp one listed things like 'Hatred', 'Agony', and 'Disdain'_ \- there was even a pair of red and blue 3-D glasses on a computer keyboard beside a laptop on the desk next to the open closet.

Eridan shuddered in distaste of the mess and left, stealing a pair of clean look blue jeans, they had been piled on top of an assortment of semi-folded clothes that Eridan prayed were in fact clean and sitting right by the door, whoever it was that Eridan had slept they with didn't seem to know how closets worked. Still, Eridan worked at fishing his fresh briefs from his bag along with a water bottle and emergency Advil.

He definitely did this way too often.

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 ** _Yes yes yes, I know I have a Merlin fic to work on but I've sort of hit a big wall and while I keep working on it when I can I want to wait till it's finished before I post any more there._**

 ** _Anyways that all for now, favorite, comment, review, follow, I don't know but if you liked it let me know because I survive off of attention._**


	2. Who's the real player here?

**_The longer part 2! This is actually going to be 4 parts now, maybe more idk yet. OR maybe a second story later down the road._**

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The rest of the place wasn't much cleaner; it was just some shitty two room apartment with a bathroom, the bedroom, while the living room and kitchen were squished together, and everywhere Eridan looked he could see dirty dishes, clothes, books and he didn't even want to know what else. The neatest things were the shoes Eridan must have drunkenly lined up on his way in the night before, surrounded on all sides by chaos the nicely lined up shoes looked disturbingly out of place, and Eridan's bright purple converse stood out being so outrageously bright compared to the rest.

Hung over as he was Eridan put on a pot of coffee, making himself quite at home despite that horrifying state of everything, and got dressed standing in the cramped kitchenette while waiting for the coffee. The pant he'd stolen fit too tight in the hips and butt but managed to be too loose everywhere else, he'd have to come back looking for his own later, when his buddy was actually awake.

The milk in the half empty fridge had gone bad last month and Eridan couldn't find any sugar but there was honey and he couldn't give less of a fuck at this point so long as his coffee wasn't completely black.

The first sip was anything but perfect but it did wake Eridan up enough to shoot a quick test to his partner in crime:

 **To: Vri** 7:42 am

hey you up? wwhat happened last night vvri?

Assuming that she must still be passed out after last night Eridan helped himself to some toast and more coffee with honey, he justified his use of this by giving the filthy pile of dishes in the sink a wash. Something they were in dire need of, and he kept one ear towards the bedroom the whole time though whoever was still asleep didn't make a peep.

His good deed done, Eridan left, leave no more than a fresh pot of coffee, clean dishes, and a note explaining that he'd ' _borrowed_ ' some pants when couldn't find his but here was his number and he wanted his own back _thank you very much_. With everything sorted out Eridan began texting Vriska on his way out the door.

 **To: Vri** 7:58 am

does anyone knoww wwhere I am or wwho I left wwith? because I sure as fuck don't

 **To: Vri** 8:06 am

I'm goin try findin my way home, see you at wwork?

Once outside Eridan found himself in a campus dorm of all things, lucky for the purple haired hipster; he knew the place. It was a few blocks from the bar he'd been at last night and chances where his car would still be there in the lot as his keys were still in his bag.

The sun was only just rising, dusting the sky with pinks, purples, and blues, for early April the air was a bit chilly. Spring was late in coming, and winter did it's best to hold on; chilling the air and covering the earth with a thin layer of frost. It was sheer luck that it hadn't snowed during the night, in southern Alberta snow as late as May wasn't as uncommon as most people wished it was.

With a quick and totally dorky happy dance Eridan bounded up to his shiny dark purple Prius hybrid, not exactly a sexy car but Eridan loved it all the same. Even better, his black and purple jacket lay waiting for Eridan on his seat, and Eridan was more than happy to pull it on. Now he'd be able to make it to the far end of town for a change and quick shower before going down town for work, Eridan did some quick math – _he had work at 11:30 today_ \- and climbed into the car just as his cell dinged a text message.

 **From: Eq** 8:11 am

D→ I heard you had been out late, so I was wondering if we would still be on for tonight?

 **To: Eq** 8:12 am

I wwon't be able to make it tonight, somethin' came up, but I can do right noww if you wwant ;)

Perfect timing! Equius lived just on the edge of downtown, barely 20 minutes away, plus Eridan had spent so much time at Equius' that he had a whole change of clothes there by now, he could get a pair of his own pants without having to go to the other end of town before work.

 **From: Eq** 8:15 am

D→ I suppose that is acceptable

Scoffing at his cell phone Eridan started up his car, yeah right 'acceptable', Equius loved to play dominate but was the most submissive guy Eridan had ever slept with!

Stupid pride, that's what it was, Eridan was sure of it. Well he'd play along with Equius' game and beat his sorry ass at it too.

 **To: Eq** 8:16 am

wwhale if it's that much trouble I wwont bother.

Okay Eridan could admit that he wasn't exactly playing fair anymore but he couldn't honestly say he cared. He'd been hooking up with Equius for years whenever the mechanic was single, which happened to be more often than not. You don't just have on and off sex with someone for years and not learn a thing or two.

As Eridan drove his phone kept going off, he ignored it.

"Let him sweat a bit," he grumbled to himself, checking his hair at a red light.

When Eridan pulled up to the small well kept condo in one of the 'trendy' neighborhoods just outside of the city center he finally checked his cell phone. Sure enough Equius had been texting his hands off.

 **From: Eq** 8:16 am

D→ NO! It's no trouble at all

 **From: Eq** 8:17 am

D→ You are not still drunk or badly hungover are you?

 **From: Eq** 8:21 am

D→ You never did say what e%actly the plan is

 **From: Eq** 8:33 am

D→ You're almost here already aren't you?

 **From: Eq** 8:35 am

D→ I can 'sea' your ridiculous purple little toy car from here

Rather pleased with himself Eridan made his way to Equius' door. The morning air was steadily warming up, the sun still only half risen, and Equius stood, arms cross, hair still damp from his shower, waiting in the doorway.

"Good morning, most civilized people give warning before showing up first thing in the morning." Came Equius' cool greeting, he didn't seem all too impressed but the man still let Eridan in.

"I did wwarn you." Eridan replied flippantly, following the larger male inside and closing the door behind himself. Shedding his jacket and shoes Eridan could feel Equius watching him, waiting for him. Unfortunately for Equius Eridan happened to be a bit of a tool and took his time carefully putting his jacket away in the closet by the front door and neatly lined up his shoes before he finally gave his friend a proper greeting.

Compared to Equius Eridan felt thin, feminine, and downright fragile. That didn't stop him from hugging him and standing on his toes to give Equius a quick kiss on the cheek.

While the hug wasn't returned the kiss was. Equius gently caught Eridan's lips with his own as he pulled back, huge hands, seemingly permanently stained with oil found their way to the hipster's narrow waist before moving to settle softly on equally narrow hips.

Try as he might Eridan couldn't keep the grin from his face, he didn't love Equius and Equius didn't love him, they just loved the others body and knew each other with the sort of familiarity that came with practice and time.

How many hook-ups could he visit at 8:30 in the morning, unwashed, in another guy's pants, and still be desired? Just one; Equius.

"I want breakfast." The slighter male declared pulling back. Eridan didn't even wait; he just went to Equius' kitchen as if he lived in the condo.

After the mess of the dorm room Equius' place almost seemed clean, _**almost**_. It was still a disaster by Eridan's standards but at least Equius tried to keep most of his condo somewhat tidy, that is to say there were car bits and all sort of mechanical thing everywhere but the floor.

At least the kitchen was clean and the sink empty of dirty dishes.

Hopping up to sit on the kitchen counter Eridan gave Equius a rather expectant look, one leg over the other, arms crossed, and a single eyebrow raised in waiting.

Sweaty and already nervous Equius bent to grab some eggs from the fridge, Eridan always wanted pancakes in the morning, with whipped cream but that was for. . . . _other_ things. The hulking brute flushed with the memory of the last time he'd had breakfast with Eridan, he would not at all be opposed to a repeat.

"Pancakes then? With a side of whipped cream I assume."

A wicked grin graced Eridan's face; he wasn't that hungry. "I was thinking more whipped cream with a side of _sausage_."

Flustered and red faced Equius crushed the eggs in his hand, head snapping to the side to look at the man on his counter. It both bothered and aroused Equius how easy it was for Eridan to talk to him like he did, and Equius was quite sure that it should be illegal to make ' _ **sausage**_ ' sound as sexual as it did when Eridan said it.

Once again Eridan gave Equius that expectant, raised eyebrow, this time paired with a crooked finger, wordlessly telling Equius to come closer.

How could he say no? The man clearly wanted ' _Sausage_ ' for breakfast.

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 ** _Do you guys actually want Eridan fucking Equius is the kitchen? Cause I can totally do that you know. Anyways that all for now, favorite, comment, review, follow, I don't know but if you liked it let me know because I survive off of attention._**


	3. Working Where?

Almost two and a half hours later when Eridan finally left Equius' condo.

He'd spent some time with a _very_ good friend, showered, and changed some of his own clothes – _a pair of deep plum colored jeans and a blue and black button up shirt_ \- that had been left behind at some point over the years. Equius had even made good on the promise of pancakes.

Now, Eridan was leaving, toeing his way into in bright purple shoes and exchanging goodbyes with Equius who just stood back, leaning against the wall. It was time to get a move on, Eridan had work in just over half an hour, it had warmed up quite a lot so Eridan opted to carry his jacket before draping it over the back of his seat, the borrowed pants folded and destined for the back seat.

As always, Eridan was 13 minutes early for his shift at a little hole in the wall café and book shop, it had started small but after the next door lot had been bought the café soon ended up being much larger than expected, sort of like the Tardis; it was much bigger inside than the front of the shop appeared to be.

The owner, Ariella, had opened a café, simply because she needed a place to read tarot cards – _even though fortune telling was 100% fakey fake fake!_ \- and enjoyed baking and liked making cookies and cakes based off of all sort of nerdy books and movies – _things like Dragon Egg Macarons for 'Game of Thrones', Cookies of all sorts of characters from 'Star Trek' to 'Lord of the Rings', superhero cupcakes, Tri-Force Scones, even the Cauldron Cakes from 'Harry Potter'_ \- then next logical step was to start filling the shelves with books and comics for people to read, the next thing anyone knew 'Tarot and Tea' had become well known with the more nerdy crowd and the witchy crowd.

The end result was a large Cafe that always smelled of fresh bread, the whole east wall by the door was one giant fireplace that never went out, and during convention season the shop made more money than it needed to keep open all year.

Despite having just eaten the smell of fresh cinnamon buns made Eridan's mouth water. Ariella always kept the shop's doors wide open, come sun, rain, or snow, and whenever people walked by their noses dragged them in.

Behind the café counter Vriska was already hard at work when Eridan showed up for his shift, and Ariella, was in the back baking up a storm. There was supposed to be some whole Starcraft tournament later in the week and Vriska was hosting a dorky D'n'D event tonight - _Ariella was convinced both events needed cake_ \- the owner always had some event or another lined up every week.

Eridan would have found it exhausting if he actually had to help set anything up; he mostly manned the cash register, made coffees, or cleaned. With free baked goods, it was a pretty sweet job for a student.

"Someone's all fresh and clean," Vriska sang out in greeting as Eridan walked in. "So I take it this means you found your way home?"

Laughing Eridan pulled on his black and purple 'Aquarius' apron, zodiac themed aprons were the closest Ariella ever got to assigning any sort of uniform. For the most part they were simple black aprons, with a large colorful zodiac sign on the chest overlaid with tiny dots of color that made the matching constellation, simple but different.

"No wway, just dropped by Eq's place, turns out I wwas at a dorm by the club."

Nodding sagely Vriska handed a customer their coffee.

"You're like, soooooooo stupidly lucky with your drunken hook-ups! It's not fair, I'm supposed to be the one with all the luck, me, I'm supposed to have all of the luck, all of it! Not you." Vriska pouted, cleaning the counter.

"Hardly lucky, I lost my pants."

At that Vriska lost it, doubling over, snorting and gasping with laughter.

Curious about all the ruckus Ariella poked her head of pink and purple hair covered with a black flour covered bandana out of the kitchen doorway. "What is so funny?"

"HE LOST HIS PANTS!" Vriska was still laughing.

Looking Eridan up a down Ariella took note of his pants."But he has pants?"

"I'll tell you later," Eridan promised his boss but she'd already gone back to stuffing pans full of cinnamon rolls.

Turning to help the next customer in line Eridan pushed back thoughts of stolen pants, lost pants, Equius, and the mysterious mess of dark brown hair. It was going to be a long enough day already, no need to dwell on such trivial things. Besides, he would be working late with Vriska hosting her stupid D'n'D thing and Feferi's birthday was coming up, so Eridan still had to find the perfect gift for his childhood best friend.

* * *

 ** _Should I do more? Do you guys even like this? Let me know!_**

 ** _Anyways that all for now, favorite, comment, review, follow, I don't know but if you liked it let me know because I survive off of attention._**


	4. Who Stole What Now?

Eridan had been right, very right indeed. It had be a long day, a long tiring day. By 6:00 in the afternoon Vriska began setting up for her D'n'D thing. By 6:15 most people had shown up early to 'help' set up - _and by that Eridan meant load up on baked goods_ \- by 6:28 a lanky nerd with messy dark hair and painfully familiar 3-D glasses had shown up with a girl who's long curly hair was stuffed half under an old hat and dressed like a female Indiana Jones costume complete with whip. The girl was obviously there to pay D'n'D, the boy seemed like he'd been dragged along as he promptly took up residence in a shadowy corner, his stupid face lit up in the dark back the light of his laptop.

Working overtime thanks to Vriska, Eridan at least got to work with Feferi who always had late shifts. Between chatting with her, making drinks, and serving up baked good Eridan was still counting down the minutes to 9:45 pm when he'd be free.

Because of this he knew that:

It was 7:21 pm when 3-D glasses came to the counter asking about types of cookies and coffee and placed an order with Feferi before sitting back down.

It was 7:23 pm when Eridan brought the coffee and cookies to 3-D glasses and got punched in the face for it.

It was 7:24 pm when everything was explained.

It was 7:25 pm when Eridan re-learned that 3-D glasses was named Sollux and that he had only just recognized Eridan as the guy that had 'stolen' Sollux's pants after they had hook-up.

It was 7:26 pm when Eridan finished explaining that he had merely 'borrowed' Sollux's pants as his had been MIA in the aftermath of their drunken hook-up, and if Sollux was okay with it he was more than will to return said 'borrowed' pants if Sollux would let Eridan search for his.

It was 7:28 pm when Eridan had gotten off work two hour and 17 whole minutes early because of his black eye and left with Sollux riding shotgun in his purple car. As it turns out Sollux doesn't drive.

It was 7:37 pm when Eridan gave up looking under things and took to cleaning Sollux room in hopes his pants would show up. Sollux himself opted to watch instead of help. He did help when Eridan went and took a load – _or three_ \- of dirty clothes to wash in the dorm laundry room though.

It was 8:34 pm when Eridan - _pants already in hand_ \- began making out with Sollux on a bed with fresh clean sheets, in a now much cleaner bedroom.

It was 9:28 pm when Eridan finally left Sollux's dorm room, much cleaner than the first time, this time with his own pants, but still, he once more snuck out while the messy haired nerd slept.

It was 9:54 pm when Eridan made it home and finally got to shower in his own apartment.

Now, at around a quarter to 11, Eridan finally felt clean, so freshly showered, and rubbing as his sore face, Eridan took a seat at his computer, signed in and opened his blog to begin posting about the events of the day.

It took his a few tries, writing and re-writing, till he had a post he was proud of, Eridan didn't like to give to many details about his life.

 _CaligulasAquarius_ : posted 11:07 p.m.

Ahh showers, the perfect way to feel human again after a long day, which is just the type of day I've had: a long one.

It would take _forever and ever_ to tell you everything that happened, like I said, it was a long day. But I will say this; I learned something new today. I learned that there are a few things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes, and hickies.

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 ** __** ** _There you have it, shitty Eridan and Sollux. I'm probably going to turn this into a whole series because why the fuck not! Also already working on a very smutting piece from Eridan and Equius' breakfast because, again, why the fuck not?_**

 ** _Anyways that all for now, favorite, comment, review, follow, I don't know but if you liked it let me know because I survive off of attention._**


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